5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
