I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
