Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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