Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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