he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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