Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
