I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
