I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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