A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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