Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
