dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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