Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
