In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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