remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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