You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
