This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
