I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
