There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
