Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
