I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
