me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
