ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you inspire me to be a worse person
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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