If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
