i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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