if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
