I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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