..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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