i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
