What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
