Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
