from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i love accidental penises.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
