win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
