"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
