Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
