chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
