so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
