i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
