i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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