if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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