He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
