We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
