No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I FOUND THE LEGS
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
