what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
