I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
