I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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