ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
