Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
