i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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