This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
