I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
