haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
