dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I want a musical about memes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
