come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
