Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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