4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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