There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
