I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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