I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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